“ I thought I heard thunder but knowing 2020 it’s probably Godzilla.”
Is it possible to get a refund or an exchange when it comes to a year? If that is so then I would like to exchange this year of 2020 for another…this year sucks! What in the world is happening. I am trying to keep my since of humor in all of this, just like that nervous laugh of mine, but deep down inside I am terrified for the world as well as heartbroken at what I am witnessing.
It has been a really rough month. This post is even late. I was going to post it at the end of June but here it is July…HAPPY July everyone. Lets hope and pray this month isn’t such a bumpy ride. This post took a while to write up because we had a couple emergencies in our life with my mother-in-law. I stayed off for a couple of days, only answering comments and trying to stop by my favorite bloggers for a quick visit.
You see, my mother-in-law needs to socialize. She loves her Casino days and shopping trips and now the pandemic has messed her life up. She is very upset about that. She is not close with my husband or I or her own grandchildren. Just not the motherly type. Both my husband and I are scapegoats in our families. Our siblings are the golden ones and sadly we only have one sibling each.
Anyway, my mother-in-law is bored so she went to the doctor because she said she was very ill. Her doctor examined her and said she was fine and sent her home with anxiety pills. She had originally wanted to head to the ER instead but her doctor who she loves and always talks about, even having me wrap a gift for her this last Christmas, told her the hospitals are not safe right now and to stay away. Arizona hospitals are not the place to be this month.
A day later my mother-in-law decided this time to wait until the doctor’s office was closed, then called her oldest (the golden) to tell him she needed to go to the hospital. Before the pandemic this was a pattern of hers when she would get into arguments with her sons or if anyone called her out on her cruel behaviors…couldn’t upset her with any truths because she would go into having physical symptoms that she needed to go the emergency room “Now”.
Anyway, my brother-in-law came over and took his mom to the ER, waited for hours to be seen, she was examined and the doctors in the hospital told her the same thing her doctor told her a couple days before which was that she is fine and that it was just anxiety. She was sent home.
Two days went by and she went back to the ER, was told again it was just anxiety but this time according to her conversation to me over the phone, that when the doctors at the ER asked her why she kept coming back, “What was bothering her?”, she said she told them “My daughter-in-law won’t visit me and she won’t let me see the kids.” which is a total lie of course but I did not get into that on the phone. If you ever confront my mother-in-law on actual truths, she gets very angry and then we would be headed back to the ER again and this time I would get hated and blamed by her oldest son, my brother-in-law.
Instead I kept the peace like I always do, not going into all the times I invited her over before the lock downs. All the times after the lock downs I made meals and dropped them off to her. Sewed her a pretty floral mask because she likes flowers. Left pretty plants with card greetings on her front porch, etc…I even asked her to come over and spend time in our garden with us outside and she always answered no. Every time my husband stopped by to see if she needed anything, she always told him to stay away, don’t get too near her because she was so afraid of this virus.
Now after almost three months she is telling everyone the reason she is going to the hospital all the time is because of me….strange.
Anyway, to keep the peace I agreed to her plea to just drive by and wave to her and bring the kids (even though they are grown now and really don’t know their grandma very well because she ignored them throughout their lives). She only wanted me and the kids to drive by and wave to her, not my husband when she spoke to me on the phone. Again…strange, but okay…my husband being the scapegoat with his mom tries to avoid her when she is in one of her “Moods”. He wasn’t going anyway. She was up to something he said and I answered ” I think she is serious about going back into the ER tonight, she is going to put your brother at risk since he is always near her, not to mention herself and wasting time for the doctors and nurses who are already short staffed.” Living right next to a hospital has it’s drawbacks I was now discovering. So I headed on over to wave to a mother-in-law that never really liked me.
When we got to her place she came out and we started waving and saying hello telling her we love her and that we hope she feels better soon from the safety of the vehicle we were sitting in. If we did not do this drive by visit, she threatened me with…“If you don’t come over, I will go back to the ER tonight and the doctors there said you have to visit me.” which I know is not true.
Seeing us all wave to her from a safe distance she started slowly walking to our vehicle while staring us down and glaring at us. I could make out her expression the closer she got and it scared us all, what anger she had directed at us. I had no idea why she was so angry but would soon find out soon enough. On the phone she was so sweet and desperate to see us and now this…what was this anger about.
She saw I was wearing a mask and started raging about it. That was it, that I was wearing a mask. ..that is why she had angry face on, because I had a mask on. I just can’t win. She glared at me and said “You don’t need the mask, the doctors said I don’t have the virus.”
I knew this was just another lie because it takes some time for test results to come in and she had just been to the hospital in the last couple of days. There is no way she knew for sure whether she had it or not. It was scary how angry she looked at me when I was wearing that mask. What is the deal with these masks, they are setting people off everywhere.
She looked over and saw that my son sitting in the back wasn’t wearing his yet so she walked over to his window to talk to him instead. She herself was not wearing a mask either, even though we made her that pretty floral one the month before.
My daughter rolled up her brother’s window from the drivers side to protect her brother from getting too close to their Nonna , who was slowly headed to the youngest and the kindest in our immediate family… our son.
Later my daughter would say how creepy it felt when her Nonna walked out slowly from her home and with such hate in her face the closer she got to us. Where was the rage coming from we all thought at that moment. It isn’t our fault that the Red Monster is out there now messing everyone’s normal lives up. Yeah, the four of us are happy and we try to make the best of things but we have our moments of being upset as well but we never rage on others about that. I wonder if that is it. Is this the reason she is mad because the four of us are happy, even during this horrible year of 2020.
A month ago my mother-in-law called my husband and asked him a strange question “Are you guys fighting yet, being stuck together right now all the time?” and my husband laughed “No, why would you think that?” she remained silent on the other end of the phone when he answered.
So here we were now, just me and my two grown college kids trying to give some cheer to a grandmother who never really enjoyed the happiness we always tried to include her in over the years. My husband always says “Misery loves company” and I never wanted to believe that but now looking at my mother-in-law as she glared at us all sitting in our vehicle I understood what my husband had been saying all these years. What happened to the planned drive by wave, this keeping the peace was blowing up in my face.
When my mother-in-law saw that we were wearing masks, and keeping our distance she walked back to her front door to go back inside her home. There were no waves back, no I love you too, nothing nice. So different from the phone conversation we had had moments earlier when she was really acting sweet.
When we got back home I told my husband he was right, then plopped down on the couch defeated. He had warned me that even though she was nice on the phone when she was basically begging to see me and our son and daughter, what she really wanted was to fight because she was bored. She is putting so many people in danger by playing these types of games during a pandemic.
Sitting on the couch just feeling hopeless and defeated I told my husband that “I think your mom wants to give me this virus” and then I started doing that nervous laughing when deep down inside I wanted to cry. This is my Dear Abby moment I guess, like what does it look like to anyone else reading this. Sometimes I think with the stories I post will anyone believe there is such wickedness out there in families, such wicked ways. I think this is why I love watching that series about the Bates family. I need to know that there are loving families out there and the Bates are that family. What is going on with all these broken families everywhere? All of us that come from broken families have so much in common, we all have the same ugly stories to tell don’t we?. Sometimes I whisper those things I don’t want to be true, because I fear them.
“It is like someone came into these people and just took over them causing them to be cruel and hateful, like strangers that have ill will towards you for no reason.” I whispered to my husband.
This was so upsetting that I vented with one of my many cousins about this incident and you know what? She had her own nightmare mother-in-law pandemic story to tell from this month. She said the same thing basically happened to her. That her mother-in-law, that is normally very cold and stand offish to her and has always been that way, suddenly is very friendly, greeting her and giving her a hug. Of course my cousin accepted it because she wants that. We all want kindness. We all want to be loved.
My cousin and I were raised to be kind in our family. Some of us are the people pleasers. My cousin told me that when her mother-in-law held out her arms for a hug she gave her that hug. Then my cousin finds out later that her sister-in-law tested positive for Covaid that week and her mother-in-law knew this before she gave that hug to her. Now my cousin feels like a fool for hugging her.
We both agreed that our mother-in-laws are trying to take us out. It sure is looking that way. I wonder how many of these same dysfunctional family situations are happening all over the world right now. How many people are purposefully infecting others for attention and a drama fix. Or because they are psychopaths and have no empathy for others, or just because they dislike someone.
This of course has broken our hearts, both my cousin and I. I mean, we laugh about our mother-in-law stories but deep down we always think they still have our best interest at heart…don’t they. Would they really try to eliminate the mothers of their grandchildren?. Sometimes it is hard to believe that such evil exists.
Since the Red Monster has started, my cousin and I have both been very considerate of others. Picking up supplies and dropping them off, asking if anyone needs help or anything, but in the end that is never enough for the Red Monster’s allies out there spreading the sickness.Some people are just too broken to know what real love feels like. They only know how to love hate.
I don’t need to tell you all what happened this month out in the world, you lived it right along with me. Stay strong, we will all get through this together. I will share with you what we did this month at Our Little Red House instead.
I worked on a dollar day project. The winner is the wooden tool box that my mother-in-law gave me. See, that’s the thing about toxic relationships, not every day is bad, sometimes you get little crumbs of kindness that you are starving for and that is why most of us continue to put up with it. You all voted for me to redo this dollar day do over…can’t wait to share that with you all. I will be posting about that later.
And Linda was curious to what I could also turn into this Altoids container. I started on that but then got busy with other things and I am in a bit of a place right now, probably still in shock over the whole “My mother-in-law wants to give me the virus”, hey, that’s a post. Don’t worry, I will spare you all a post like that. I will though have a more detailed post on creating something with this tin box. If you want to see something really adorable then check out Oscar Dandelion’s post on her little matchbox creations.They are so pretty. Her post really help in giving me some ideas for my tin box remake.
I forgot to post a picture of the art in the garden I left out for our neighbors kids to do. I left paint and brushes with some of my plaster pieces I poured. Here are a few of the finished items. They are always fun to paint.
Again, I did not get to post a bedroom makeover because I was too bummed this month about everything that is happening. See a pattern happening here, time for me to get some nature walking out there somewhere. I had all kinds of fun things planned and I instead helped my husband prepare for the Fall/Winter by dehydrating and canning. We normally are not preppers. We usually have a two weeks emergency supply of food and water at all times here in the city and up north but that is it. We started getting more aggressive with learning this lifestyle about two years ago but we are still learning. I will share with you all a monthly prepping tip starting in July.
My husband made a tractor for the chickens using scraps we had around the yard. I think he did a great job considering what he used. It is hard to find some supplies now days.
We also had some new flower blooms this month that I forgot to share with you all in my monthly garden updates. Little gifts like these are signs from God that everything is okay. So much more peaceful in the spiritual world and kinder too.
I even got a chance to get some thrift store shopping in but now I am back at home once again afraid of the Red Monster out there, back to lock downs for us. I know our state isn’t really in an official lock down but there are pockets of us that are sticking with the guidelines and health tips when it comes to the new world we live in.
Our numbers exploded in this state after we opened up again. The majority of people are not taking things seriously. Shopping out there now reminds me of the game I played as a child, that my children played as well. You all remember Candy Land don’t you? Doesn’t it seem like that game when we shop and have to follow the arrows and stand on the big colored stickers throughout the stores? Anyway, I found a bag of vintage buttons for $3, had so much fun looking through them all. I left them out in the sun for hours for UV rays after spraying them down with Clorox of course. I know, I know…a little too much, but I’m really scared of this virus. I am still trying to live each day with happiness and just practice safety measures when I do go out. We all still need to live and get back to things.
I also have a big prayer thank you post coming up soon. Our Little Red House is okay and the Bush fire did not end up getting to that area like the state was worried would happen. Lots of towns were evacuated. This was one of the largest forest fires our state experienced, yet no one was hurt, no lives were lost, no buildings were burned and no animals from ranches and farmers were lost either. This is what I heard but I will have to research that some more.Over 190,000 acres were burned, the 5th largest fire in Arizona history and no one was hurt and no buildings or animals were either.That was a big prayer that was answered. Thank you to God, the firefighters, friends and family and this blogging community for keeping us all in your prayers and well wishes. Hope to have a Thank You post about that sometime this week.
Okay now onto the best part of this post…my favorites this month. Lately each monthly post of mine has a complaint so for July what ever happens out there I will not be posting or ranting about that for that month, only the positive. I have to remember why I started blogging in the first place which was to share the beauty in our Arizona adventures with you all. To start a craft kit business on Etsy or somewhere and to eventually have a Christmas craft book self published. Big goals all on their own and then the world started falling apart. I am still going for it, life is about living your dreams after all. Just have to remember to leave my personal life out of it when I am blogging but sometimes I just can’t help it, it all is just too much. It helps to get it out and write about it and sometimes it just comes out in bits and pieces through these posts of mine.
Before I go on with my favorites I can’t forget my prayer lists for the upcoming month and that is for Willow Creek Farm she has a 4 year old son that is a very sick little guy. Since he was about a year old (I went back in her archives to read some more on this) he has been having several surgeries done for a liver issue. They can not figure out what is causing his illness. Surgery after surgery. I did not know this about this follower of mine. I have not been following her for that long. At the same time her little boy keeps having medical issues so are her goats on the farm. She has a friend who works in the ER as a nurse so she helps with injections the vet leaves to help the goat. The vet has no idea why the goat is sick either. He believes it is because the goat lost her baby some days ago when it passed on too. Willow Creel also injected the goat with antibiotics just in case it will help. So please keep Willow creek in your prayers that the doctors find out why and what is causing their little boy to need so many surgeries, that this stops and the little guy has a life with good health free of pain and that the vet discovers what is wrong with their goat and helps their goats as well.
One more prayer and that is for my cousin. As of today while I write this post which is June 30th she just emailed me to let me know her, and her husband plus their youngest son are headed up to their cabin up north to self quarantine. Turns out, that her in laws are all coming down with the Red Monster and their test are coming back positive.They have fevers and coughs.
They knew that there was a family member who was sick and tested positive for the virus but they still went ahead with a large wedding. Now the person that was in charge of the food is not well and others are becoming sick. My cousin did not go to the wedding but her youngest daughter/ grandchild and son-in-law did and now she is so afraid for them all. My cousin said she is not feeling well either but it is just her ears, like they are full of water or something. Remember she gave her mother-in-law a hug. Some people at the wedding did not wear masks or practice social distancing. This is why Arizona is up there in record cases daily…some people are still not taking things seriously. Anyway, please keep my cousin and her family in your prayers. She is like a little sister to me. We lived together growing up here in Arizona, Texas and even North Dakota as children. Lots of happy memories I have with her.
Wandering Ambivert- photographing bees
Manuela has her shop up and running now at her website. She makes artisan soaps that are all natural and safe for the environment. Her site is called Nature’s art which is such a perfect name. She is such a sweet person, check out her shop, lots of pretty soaps all made by hand too.
Robin- Sunday reflections- In the face of adversity.
Abbey co.- Monkey bread
Renards world-When bloggers disappear into nothingness
Okay, that’s it. I hope you have a great July. I will have some of my regular post scheduled for July which include a shopping post, dollar day do over, ASD table time crafts, and all the posts I promised you all in June…hopefully. We will see how July plays out. Stay safe out there everyone and God bless you all from all of us at Our Little Red House.
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