I had to go No Contact over a decade ago because my children were being mistreated and programed in my opinion to be the next generation of scapegoats in the family. I tried to set healthy boundaries but my conditions and rules only intensified the dysfunction. Trying to set boundaries only ENRAGED my mother more.

Then she got everyone involved, desperately trying to find anything to turn others against me by even bringing up old past resolved conflicts as well. It wasn’t necessary to involve others with the issue at that time, but my mother did…and after more than a decade she is still sticking with her same old story and recipe, never acknowledging the real truths. Never acknowledging what the real issue is in this story.

She twisted and lied, she got others involved that had nothing to do with what happened to my daughter, her own grandchild. She down played everything that was happening behind closed doors and instead of trying to mend it, she intensified it, lied about me by smearing me in a way to make other’s doubt me, and turned many against me by downplaying what was happening. And over a decade later, she is still sticking with her same manipulative stories…to “what this is about”. She knows what “This is about” and she is not only terrified that people will find out the real truth, but that they will believe it too.

Scapegoats are usually the glue that holds the dysfunction in the family together, to step out of that role causes extreme discomfort for the ones who are used to having control over the scapegoats.

Now that my children are adults, they are glad to be away from the pettiness, games and drama…their choices are that they will never go back into that, even if in the future someone in their extended family tries to manipulate them to come back, either by making them feel sorry for them, or a twisted version of what they call “Their truth”.

The whole reason I tried to set healthy boundaries was for my children. They were the ones who were starting to suffer from the toxicity in the family. I was used to it, but when I saw how it was effecting my kids…they are the reasons to my decisions, to protect them by going No Contact. I tried to set in healthy rules, but those rules were always ignored and instead my mother intensified her twisting of lies.

In my family, with my mother, there were always excuses to ignoring rules set in place that encouraged peace instead of conflict. It’s never a good excuse to treat others bad because someone hurt you as a child…that’s how the chain keeps going. A lot of people try to use that as an excuse.

In my childhood it was a man named Rex. This man always came up when I tried to set in healthy boundaries. How many times I had to hear about him?…I don’t know. But enough to know that he is not a good excuse to keep toxicity going each generation after.

Rex was mostly brought up to use as a distraction when loosing control or being upset when healthy boundaries were being set in place. He never had anything to do with the subject matters in those moments, he was just a mean man from my mother’s past that she always brought up when she didn’t feel comfortable with how a conversation was going. He was her go to distraction when she was loosing.

My children know what happened to them, they know who the bullies are, who mistreated them growing up, the favoritism, the jealousies and hidden competitiveness…the not being included at times…they have their own stories to tell. It makes no difference if lies are told to paint a different story. It doesn’t matter if truths are twisted to fit a different narrative then the actual full truth. Everyone knows the real truths, including the ones who lie.

My immediate family and I prefer to stay away, stay in our peace. Now that we have gone No Contact, our lives can finally be ours. We would never go back into the conflicts and chaos, it is always better to walk away, and walk into peace instead.

You may find yourselves in similar situations. Discovering that you may be around people that start some silent competition with you, secretly and relentlessly competing with you without your knowledge. Your happiness triggers some sort of passive comparative game with them. That’s not someone you can trust, that’s not a friend…that’s a silent enemy. A jealous enemy.

When people don’t have the courage to confront you, they choose the cowards path, they poison your image instead, which is exactly what happened in my case. They don’t attack your actions, they attack your character instead. Twisting your words and actions to make others doubt you without you even knowing they have been doing this behind your back for years.

Some people are so jealous, so hateful at the happy lives of others, they will even mail malicious letters to torment their victims. Like this woman in clip below.

Insecure people can’t handle someone who owns their truth. They will never be able to match your energy so instead they try to mute it. They gossip about you because your growth threatens them. Your peace disturbs them. They will harm you with words you will never hear, then shake your hand as if nothing ever happened.

Again, I believe jealousy is the root of it all…this epidemic of broken families.

So, if you come from a similar situation, remember…there is peace out there. There are people who are kind that you can trust. You will find your people, find your place to finally be free, to just… be. Be who you were always meant to be. It gets better, but you have to remove yourself from these places and people that only want to sabotage you and create drama.

This anonymous blog site of mine has helped me through these years. I finally was able to get it out, to write about what happened, to finally start healing. Always anonymous of course, which they sadly have not done with me.

God never wants his children to be in chaos. Never forget that. You will grow and finally be able to accomplish your goals, no stress and no worry of sabotaging games. So much will happen that is positive in your life when you get away.

It gets so much better once you are able to remove yourself from the chaos, to walk away, and start healing. No more secret smears behind your back, no more hidden competitions, no more creepy copying of what you do, no more twisted and sabotaging behaviors…and best of all no more baiting to get you to rage and change who you really are, to try to change who you have always been, again…you’re free to be you.

Your boundaries are your boundaries, and they should always be respected.

When a mother has an overdeveloped ego, her instinct for mothering may not exist within her, because of her obsession of herself she will be completely unaware of how her actions impact others.

And again…if this subject matter is too triggering for you, please do not read any further. This post is meant to help…not harm. I don’t usually share this type of info on this site anymore but for this day I am bringing back an old post to help some of my followers who have had similar lives, as I know you are out there because over the years we have helped each other. This post is meant for all you No Contacts which might be a rough day for you all.

Remember, Don’t engage, don’t react, don’t fall for their desperate games of trying to get you to rage and react to them to smear you more. Everyone knows how manipulators work, especially now days, it is so common now. You deserve to be treated well, always remember that.

So here it is, an older post from the past. This Christmas I hope you are able to do the things you love, to share kindness with others, and treat yourself with kindness too. Please continue to pray for the broken ones…they need our prayers not our hate.

———————————————————————————————————————-

First I need to address that I’m not a professional counselor.

I thought I share a little bit about what seems to be going on around the world right now with personality type disorders. Everyone has been hearing about it or living it themselves.

It’s like one of those one hit wonders that you played over and over when you were a teenager. You get to a point where you finally start saying…

‘” Enough already…it’s too much, find a new song.”

The topic of narcissism is talked about too much, now we all have NPD burnout. You know what I mean. All of a sudden everyone is an expert on it, and both sides are accusing each other of being NPD’s, when we all know that’s not the case. Usually the true person with the personality disorder is easy to spot, especially nowadays with the entitlement of social media sites. They always let their true colors shine through.

It’s ugly, it’s heartbreaking and it’s devastating for all sides. But it is something that is happening. The victims of it are finally speaking up about it all over the world.

There are situations where people have to become estranged, but now it’s almost like a popular trend to be in that category. And that’s the spiritual battle we are all dealing with in my opinion. It’s not an easy decision to go No Contact. No one should ever take it lightly. It should never happen. It’s not natural.

Some People are coveting what everyone else is experiencing. And with how small the world has become through social media, everyone sees what everyone is up to all the time, what they own, how they look (sort of, there are filters). It’s easy to become and stay envious.

Seeds of envy can often start in early childhood. Go back to their childhood to understand why they struggle with jealousy. They could have been raised in a way where they were taught that the rules were different for them.

Growing up they were never taught how to deal with restrictions, limitations and boundaries, Even hearing the word” No!” will set them off.

They grew up with a sense of entitlement and believe that the world owes them everything.

Maybe they were pushed to compete with others, maybe their own father or mother put that way of thinking into their head. Telling them as children that they were smarter then the other kids in the family, or prettier, or better than them. This creates an unrealistic entitlement in them.

Their entitlement makes them believe that things should just naturally come to them. If they don’t get what they want, be prepared to feel their wrath. Once grown up and out of the family dynamic where everything was handed to them, where they were fed flattering and false statements over and over…now out in the real world, they can experience a Narcissistic meltdown when faced with the actual reality of things in that real world.

They start looking at others, seeing what they have, and start wanting what they have. This could be another’s lifestyle, the material things others have, the friends they have, how they dress, how they decorate their homes etc…..they are envious of it all. This is when you may notice they start copying you or start sabotaging you behind your back. Gossiping and smearing you without your knowledge, thus making you their targets. They are very creepy people lets just say.

They start to struggle, not understanding why they aren’t entitled to the same things that the other person has. They focus on that, obsess about that, and get angry because they want that. They start thinking life has treated them unfairly.

They manipulate and mold truths to fit their agendas, feeding back distorted versions to themselves and others. They alter core facts to align with their narcissistic world view. They’re very good at warping truths. Usually they add a bit of truth to their lies, or do a dance of twisting every event and thing they do, as them trying to help. This is all part of the manipulating game they play.

They embrace the notion of “My truth” over the actual reality and truth that is happening. They deny any accountability and never accept responsibility for any harm that their actions cause.

They undermine the success of others. They view advancements in others as a challenge against what they view as their superiority. Through sabotaging and manipulation, they will try to destroy any accomplishments their victims achieve.

They will start conflicts, and provoke emotional outbursts to discredit and undermine those that dare to outshine them. Even going as far as trying to rewrite history, making up lies and the twisting of actual facts and events that happened.

Scapegoats can be kind, inviting someone into their circle, and while they are doing that, someone behind their back is sabotaging them by telling lies to others about them. Some people can sit right beside you, calling you a friend, yet they are not actually there to give you support but to study your every move, waiting for the moment you slip up. They are silently resenting you with jealous hatred in their hearts. They are not your friends. They will never have your best interest at heart.

When the true victim finds out, they usually react with anger. After having been baited to change their normal personality of being kind, now hurt, the victim shows a side that isn’t normally who they are. They are reacting to the abuse now. All part of the reactive abuse trap and what counselors call the Darvo methods.

Through public humiliation and character assignation, jealous individuals try to tarnish the reputations and social standings of their victims. This is why you never engage with these perpetrators, do not contact back…do not engage at all…it’s always a trap. They know how to twist and manipulate everyone around them, they have been studying that skill since they were children . They remember that first rush of what it felt like getting away with a lie.

In their desperation, jealous perpetrators will make up events that didn’t even happen in order to smear their targets, or they hold onto and obsess about their instigating, rage baiting, past conflicts. Their obsessions eventually lead them down a road of mental and physical health issues. No fault of their victims. But they will try to blame their health issues on their victims as well. Anything to smear the ones they hate and get others to hate them as well. This can go on for years. I’m writing about some really mentally sick individuals here.

When they see the ones they envy accomplishing things in their lives they personalize it and make it about their failures. That’s when they attack their victims with smear campaigns and any way they can to cause chaos, to destroy and steal any peace, happiness, and joy in their victim’s life.

Jealous individuals resent creative people because they can only imitate. They also resent truth tellers, authentic people, brave people, and independent people. They don’t have real empathy, so they hate the ones who do. Remember, what they can’t steal and copy from you, they will try to destroy instead.

Jealous people will turn how you reacted to them abusing you (reactive abuse), back onto it being you that is abusing them, that you are the troublemaker now (gaslighting). Telling everyone that you are the perpetrator that is victimizing and traumatizing them. They never share what prompted your reaction. They only share the reactions from their victim…and many people in their circle fall for it too.

Or they will take bits and pieces of your reactions, and they will twist your reactions into another narrative that suits their goals of smearing you. They never share the whole story behind your reactions…they only take out bits and pieces of your reactions to tell a different story than the one that actually happened in order to make themselves look like they have been abused, when it is them that is the true abusers. Sneaky tricks, that’s what that is.

This is why it is so important to save everything. There is so much twisting of truths and gaslighting, their contacts towards you tell the real truth to who is the true perpetrator, who is the true instigator, the real stalker.

The paper trail proves how they are twisting the actual truth of events to suit their lies…always, always…keep everything and keep a record of it all over the years. They are terrified of their lies and games they play with others getting out. Their patterns prove who is searching whom to continue conflict. Not mere curiosity…but stalking behaviors.

After years of chronic and continual abuse and gaslighting, the victims/scapegoats will eventually react accordingly . A normal human reaction to being abused. It can include yelling, screaming, and terrible insults.

Professional counselors can see through these behaviors, that’s why most people who have these personality disorders never get help or go to counseling…they don’t like the idea of being evaluated. Their entitlement, and their ego, will never allow that to happen.

The true victim was set up (Darvo), and now they are painted as the bully, and everybody who knows the real victim, anyone who actually counts, they know that’s not true.

Sometimes jealous aggressors will also try and blackmail you with reacted abuse later, even years or decades later. Trying desperately to continue with their jealous smear campaigns against you. This is when you may realize you might have what professionals call a Resentful or vengeful stalker on your hands. These types can become very dangerous in their revenge thinking and fantasies of hatred they have for anyone who has exposed them or confronted them.

Perpetrators will claim their victims have traumatized them yet their actions of always searching out their victims prove that they have not been traumatized like they say. People who have been abused by others don’t go looking for their abusers to start things up again. Real victims want nothing to do with people who have “Traumatized” them or “Abused”them. Actions of perpetrators searching out their victims, prove what the real truths are.

It’s their desperation showing through, their desperation to try and get you back. You have left their environment and are living in a healthier and happier environment. They need your supply again. They are emotional vampires, looking to feed off your energy. These are dangerous individuals.

Vengeful stalkers or what they also call resentful stalkers are not motivated by love but by vengeance. They are angry with their victims, over some slight. real or imagined. You will know you have a stalker when a person (after being told to Not Contact the victim) will repeatedly try to contact you through unwanted communications by phone, mail, email, and social media.

Sometimes they will even use other people in their circle to stalk you as well. This is called Proxy stalking. It’s when vengeful stalkers will use third parties to gather information about their victims. Sometimes vengeful stalkers will even use their proxy stalkers to contact their victims in a backhanded and manipulative way of making others feel sorry for them. Manipulating their proxy stalkers to also target the ones they are envious and obsessive about. These proxy parties may inadvertently or unwillingly be manipulated, or unwittingly become coerce accomplices to join in. Join in to something they sadly do not have the whole information about as the true stalker is using whoever they can to get a fix of victimization of themselves, by turning the person they obsess about into the one that is tormenting them.

Jealous people will obsess about you continuously by searching you out, stalking you through the internet,stalking your children, invading your world, thinking they have a right, they don’t understand boundaries and rules. They hate to be told No.

Their arrogance and years of manipulating and lying to others, getting away with their lies for years, it gives them a feeling of superiority to talk their way out of what they are doing.

Their arrogance actually allows them to think they can explain away stalking behaviors as innocent curiosity.

They try to explain away stalking behaviors as ” Missing someone” or that they are “Just curious” probably even crying at times to people around them, playing a part now, of the victim misunderstanding their intentions. And dishearteningly some victims actually fall for these lies. Unfortunately there are always people who may fall for these manipulating lies. That’s why it’s always best for the victim to not react, to stay away and not react under any circumstances, don’t engage with evil. Sometimes the victims have to find out this the hard way.

If a victim does react, as it can be an intense game of gaslighting and emotional head games, sometimes the victims do react, out of anger and frustration. Not realizing it was a rage baiting set up. The perpetrator or perpetrators (stalking by proxy) will now point fingers at the true victim saying…

“See!…see, look how terrible they are, look what they said, look what they did, look how crazy they are…I told you so”

In that moment after the victim reacts , the real abuser then turns the script around and gaslights the victim. Now the actual perpetrator is alleging that the true victim is the abuser.

Jealous people never truly apologize or admit any wrong doing on their part, they don’t regret anything they do. They will try to manipulate others to say that they regret things, usually they will get their proxy stalkers to do this, using them to speak on their behalf…a backhanded way of feigning empathy and sorrow for what others may see as wrong doing on their part, once they are caught that is…they have to clean house in a way once they are actually caught doing their dirty work.

The proxy stalkers will do this sadly, again, no fault of theirs as they too are sadly being manipulated as well…but the real perpetrator will never apologize or take any responsibility for their actions themselves. You will never get apologies from these sick individuals. They’re creepy, hateful creatures.

This is something that starts in early childhood I believe. So please, if you have little ones, teach them gratefulness, empathy, and how to be happy with little things in life.

Everyone is born with their own unique gifts. Everyone has their own path to walk down with those special gifts. When we raise our children in a way where they get everything they want, or we praise them for the wrong things, always pushing them into being popular…this leads them away from the path they were born to go down, what God wanted for them…it leads them away from their own unique gifts.

Please pray for the jealous ones, pray that they don’t get stuck in bitterness and retaliation hate. Pray that they instead see all the beautiful things in their lives. You must also learn to forgive them, as this is also part of your healing process. Forgive them of all the games and lies, forgive them of everything and then move forward in your own lives in peace and happiness.

That’s all you can really do in my opinion, is pray for them and forgive them. That doesn’t mean going back into their chaos to be abused again by them…you can forgive from a distance. Then continue on doing what you are doing in your own recovery, living in happiness by rebuilding a new and better life for yourself.

Remember-Stalking is a form of mental assault and can and does include- contacting someone through phone, emails and texts, any social media sites. Spreading rumors or lies , Making false or negative statements about the victim to damage their reputation. Sometimes they will even use children to harass and monitor their victims. Using social media to keep tract of the person. Ignoring the victims boundaries. Stalkers believe they have a right to ignore their victims boundaries. These are all behaviors under the definition of stalking.

Any attention, even negative attention, screaming, swearing or abusing the stalker back is fuel for them. Don’t show pity either…they crave all types of attention. Keep collecting all evidence of contact, even if it is years of being stalked, and always remember do not engage under any circumstances. Most stalkers are in it for the long haul.

Again, I hope this helps some of you out there who are scapegoats. Learn your rights. Research laws in your state. If necessary you may even have to hire a lawyer, which can get expensive but they can help you with knowing the laws as well as help you with ways to deescalate the situation and not cause more drama. A church family helps too.

Your goal should always be for peace and happiness for you and your immediate family. Stay safe out there everyone, love your neighbors, connect eye to eye with others and stay off those screens as much as possible. May God bless and protect you all.

Copyright Our Little Red House 2025